蜗喔情缘

我不喜欢动物，不是因为我没有爱心，而是因为童年的一些所见让我对动物一向敬而远之，我不会伤害它们，但我不敢接近它们，因为我总觉得再怎么温顺的动物，它们体内还是有兽性潜伏，避为上策。

       蜗牛，一种外表温顺的软体动物，给人印象深刻的就是它柔弱的躯体上背着个很大的壳，那是它的家。它们喜欢在阴暗潮湿、疏松多腐殖质的环境中生活，昼伏夜出，最怕阳光直射，对环境很敏感的小东西。第一次仔细观察蜗牛，发现它的触角就是它的眼睛，反应可灵敏了。当然拉，身负重荷，它老人家的行动非常缓慢，悠哉悠哉的。
    

     相遇：  但是，我却十分喜欢蜗牛，每次看到蜗牛，我就好象看到了知己。当年，在一次雨后，在我练舞回来的路上，我发现了一只可爱的蜗牛，可能被雨水冲出了泥土，它正努力地想爬回。我蹲下来看着它，看它那努力的样子，小心谨慎地前进，我突然爱上了它，自私地决定把它带回宿舍养起来。这可是我第一次养宠物啊！于是，我慎重地从家里拿了一个透明的宠物笼，把它给放进去。它好象吓坏了，缩头缩脑的，过了老半天，才敢伸出它高贵的头颅出来探探风。然后就悠闲地逛起它的新家来，我知道它的心里是忐忑不安的，我也是，我连喂它吃什么都不知道。可是，我执意把它留在身边。

    相处：接下来的日子，我就大摇大摆带着它到处走了，还给它起了个外号“蜗喔”，因为它吃东西的时候就把那小得可怜的嘴张成“喔”型。带它去食堂喝粥，不好意思它看我吃，只好弄点在桌上让它也过过瘾，没想到，这小子居然也吃！吃相还超可爱！迷死我了。当然，跟我一起去吃的女同学在旁边全没了胃口，恶心连连。我不明白她们为什么这么怕蜗喔，它可是一点杀伤力都没有啊。喝完粥，带它去上课，差点被我们班的女生关在教室外面，居然还有人看到它就尖叫！于是，我看到谁最怕，就把蜗喔提到她面前，看她们花容失色的样子，哈哈大笑，也吓到了一些帅哥，男生也有人怕的。真无奈啊。我那号称天不怕地不怕的老妈见到它，表情马上僵硬，还骂我变态；老妹好一点，表情诡异，拿出一支红酒，说：“今晚我们就做红酒酿蜗牛吧！”这是个歧视蜗牛的世界吗？我好容易顶着压力，作了一回“美眉救蜗牛”的行动。有好事者问，你的蜗牛是公的还是母的？我坚信，它是公的。理由很简单，我知道它夜里比较活跃，于是，夜里就放它出来桌子上活动，而每天早上我都是在一个尖叫声中醒来的，因为，色色的蜗喔每天早晨固定会爬到我们宿舍最可爱的女孩子的牙刷上，附在上面岿然不动！很无赖的，然后忍受被那个女孩子用牙刷的棒子狂敲它的壳！

相知：跟它相处那几个月，刚好是我顶着压力考试的时期，日子很苦，是蜗喔的出现，让苦闷的我有了一些快乐。正是初夏，我习惯放它在我的手臂上，让它从上慢慢往下爬，在它爬过的地方，留下一排黏液，感觉凉凉的，很舒服。看书看累了，我就把它放在手上，让它爬上爬下的，它倒也无所谓，走到终点又被抓回起点，它还是耐心地爬呀爬。我心情不好了，就骚扰它，敲它心爱的壳，它马上缩进去，我一看它这样贼头贼脑，就笑了。有时，我一对着它就是一个下午，还跟它说话。我发现我越来越喜欢它了。因为，它懂我！

相离：但是，我也发现，它越来越不活跃了。大部分时间都缩在壳里，我以为它病了，但好象又不是。（后来才知道那个笼子太干燥，不适合它生活）我清楚：应该把它放回到属于它的地方去了。可是我是万分不情愿啊，我发现我离不开它了。于是，我决定，等从广州考试回来以后，就跟它分手，给它自由。爱它，就要让它幸福。两周后，等我从广州回家的时候，我发现，笼子里居然是空的，我的蜗喔不见了！老妈吞吞吐吐地说：我不在期间，看到它在壳里不出来，以为它死了，就扔了！我当时十分震惊，我临走时还交代妈妈要好好照顾它的，（但老妈也很怕它）没想到，连告别的话都来不及说。我的蜗喔是不会死的，我侥幸地想，被我妈扔出去了，它可能会找到它喜欢的地方长住的。这样想，我才不会那么伤心。

想念：蜗喔离去之后，我心灰意冷，就算在路上遇到了别的蜗牛，我也觉得不如我的蜗喔那么可爱，死了养蜗牛的这份心。“曾经沧海难为水。”突然不喜欢相遇了，因为相遇就注定要分离，很痛苦，我宁愿不要！别人都以为，不就是一只小小的蜗牛嘛？可是，it means a lot to me!若干年后的一天，遇到当年隔壁班的一个朋友，闲聊中，她突然问：你的蜗喔还好吗？ 我愣住了，告诉她，我的蜗牛早就不见了。她听了，笑笑：它当年可是我们学校的风云啊！过后，我想起了蜗喔，想起了每个慵懒的午后，它在我手臂上游走的日子，眼泪突然掉了下来。。。原来，我对蜗喔的怀念居然如此地深！

    它温顺，它自闭，它敏感，因为它不开心也好，害怕也好，就自动缩进它的壳，慢慢舔着自己的伤口，无论是谁伤害了它，它也从不报复，因为它善良。它压力大，每天背着它的家行走，沉重的壳给它压力和痛苦，但那也是它的港湾。它永远在向前走，无论是不是一次次地被打回原点。它，从不放弃！它是个路痴，所以它必须在走过的路上留下痕迹。它，也曾想过放弃它的壳，去远走，得自由，但是，它终究难以割舍，这份与生俱来的相依。所以，它只能义无返顾地背着壳走下去，在众人的嘲笑和不解中，走向未知的远方。

雨后，经常在路上捡一些迷路的蜗牛，轻轻地放回草丛。

那个初夏的雨后，一只蜗牛从我的生命中走过。。。。。

记忆中些许片段

岁末，缅怀。

当一个人开始回忆的时候，说明他开始在变老了。

（一）过马路

我这个人天生怕过马路，而儿时一次过马路的记忆却永远镌刻于我的脑海中，永远不会忘记，因为，他的笑脸点燃了那个午后，以及，一个小女孩的心。

在我六岁那年，有一天，外婆叫我出去买把葱，而卖葱的市场是要走过一条很热闹的大街的，而我，鲜少独自过马路的。外婆当时实在忙不过来，只好再三叮嘱我：“要等路上没什么车了，才可以过马路哦。”当时正是繁忙时段，怎么可能没什么车呢？于是，我站在喧闹的街边，焦急得看着车水马龙的大街，等了约莫二十分钟都没敢过马路，想起外婆还在家里等我呢，所以，我快哭了。当看到离我不远处，有几个车夫正坐在车上等客时，我当时不知从哪来的勇气，走上前去，对着其中一个车夫说：“叔叔，你能带我过马路吗？”那位大叔先是一愣，也许他是第一次遇到需要他牵过马路的人吧，然后他大笑，伸出他的大手，牵起我的小手，象我的保护神一样，把我护送到了马路的对面。我道了谢，顺利地买到了外婆所需要的葱，也许有了刚才大叔的示范如何过马路，回来的时候，我自己就顺利地过了马路。

事隔了很久，我也是很迷糊健忘的人，但我很奇怪，每当夜深人静的时候，我就会回想起这桩小事。我甚至回忆不起那位大叔的模样了，只记得他很高大，手很大，也很粗糙，是个历经生活沧桑的男人吧。然而，他的笑容，犹如一位天使，跟那个阳光灿烂的午后一并嵌入了我的心底。

（二）一碗果条

我这辈子最喜欢的食物就是果条了，一天吃三顿，连续吃很多天都不腻。果条，这种在我的家乡最普通不过的食物，却是我的宝。

 吃过了各种各样美味的果条，有肉丸果条，牛肉果条，鲜虾果条，但印象中最美味的果条，是一碗没有任何肉，只有一把葱花和冬菜的果条，却让我铭记很多年，不曾忘怀其中滋味。

小时侯自己经常生病，有一次，我生病了，不肯吃药。于是，爸爸答应我，病后了之后，带我去吃美味的果条汤。于是，病好的第二天，我就要求爸爸兑现他的诺言。然而，那天刚好是农历七月十六，是我们那边的节后第二天，一般来说，节后第二天，人们都在家里吃过节的东西，是不会上街吃小吃的，小吃店这一天也是基本不经营的。妈妈劝爸爸说不要带我去吃，因为根本就找不到果条的。可是爸爸不想让我失望，还是坚持带我去寻找果条店，走了大半个市场，都不见有果条店开门的。终于，爸爸和我找到一家有经营的小吃店，可却只有果条和饺子，连肉都没有。爸爸还是让他给我下了碗素果条，而给自己叫了碗饺子，我魂牵梦萦的果条终于端上来了，却只有一把葱花和一点冬菜，没有肉丸和其他好吃的搭配，味道很淡，比我常吃的果条汤差多了，但当时，我却吃得很开心，爸爸也很开心，还不时夹他碗里的饺子给我吃，我笑了，带着病初愈的苍白。

父亲只是个很平凡的男人，年幼的我跟他不是很亲昵，因为我自小在外婆身边长大，当时刚接到父母身边住不久。我甚至还对他有敌意，认为他要拆散我跟我最爱的外婆，但是，那次，我跟在他身后，看着他耐心地，一间一间地询问肯卖果条的店，我突然明白，他是爱我的。那碗果条汤洋溢着幸福的味道，父亲让我体验到诺言实现的快乐，当然，还有他的爱。

又快过年了，与我生命中以往的春节不同的是，今年的春节，我将再也看不到她的笑脸，听不到她的祝福了。她，今年夏天，远行了，目的地——天国。

06年的春节，她做了两件破例的事情：一是，她不再象往年一样给我们压岁钱了，而她曾经允诺要每年都给的，直到我们出嫁为止；其二，她在除夕夜上来跟我们吃年夜饭的时候，我妈叫了她一声“妈，”，而她，也笑着答了：“哎！”，对我家而言，这是历史性的时刻，因为她跟我妈不合已经很多年了，也没有说话很多年了。当时我的心就沉了一下，爸曾说过：“人，在临死前才会有很大的转变。”我预感到，她的改变，将意味着与我们的分离。而这个不祥的预感居然应验了。

其实，开这个空间最初的目的是想写篇纪念我的奶奶的文章，可是迟迟不敢动，因为，每次想写的时候，心都很痛很痛。

今年劳动节放假的时候，奶奶还乐呵呵地在她的门口等我，见到我特别开心，还拿钱让爸爸给我买好吃的，说我瘦了。她又问我还要读多久，我说还要一年多呢，她说，你要坚持下去，现在的女人要多读点书，社会竞争很大啊，你要学会吃苦。这番话，出自一个潮汕女人口里，非常不易，何况是一位88岁高龄的老人。然而，暑假前，我接到妈妈的电话，说奶奶生活逐渐不能自理了，可能快不行了，那几天正在念着我呢，问我什么时候回家。我的心冷了下来，没想到这么快。。。。于是我尽快处理我手头上的事，可是，还是晚了，回到家，奶奶已经认不得我了。但她还是乐呵呵地看着我，跟我有一句没一句地聊天，她是神志时而清醒时而糊涂，但还是真诚地对我说：“祝你好！”，这时，我的泪在眼眶中打滚。我跟家人一起照顾她，喂她吃饭，经常陪她，但我能为奶奶做的事已经不多了。那一个星期，我夜不能寐，属于她的回忆一点点涌上心头。

奶奶出身名门，她是在泰国出生的，她的父亲是华人，经营着很大的金铺，娶了两位夫人，子女众多，奶奶为大房所生，奶奶还有一个哥哥，后来在泰国继承家业。一个姐姐远嫁澳门，后失去联系。奶奶八岁的时候，她的妈妈带她和她的妹妹等人来到故乡，开始买屋置田，开始出租房屋和田地。奶奶年轻的时候，生活优越，有专属丫鬟。看过奶奶的青春玉照，她很瘦，穿着流行的旗袍，短发，发型也是在当时时尚的，跟我在旧上海画报看到的时髦小姐们的装扮是一样的。奶奶是上过私塾的，一直上到五年级，所以，她知书达礼，甚至懂得一些英文，在她年老之后，她还能背出26个字母表。日军侵略中国后，她就中断了学习，同时，也中断了她跟她母亲回泰国的希望，从此，奶奶的命运就被捆绑在潮汕的土地上。

尽管回不了泰国，但奶奶的家族在这边依然很富有，强大，于是，奶奶到了婚配的年龄，那个时代，要求门当户对。奶奶下嫁给我的爷爷，是个很大的世家。据说奶奶的嫁妆极其丰厚，光是金子就有好几斤。奶奶婚后的日子如何？我后来从我们数次的交谈以及爸爸的回忆，得知一些情况。爷爷的家族生意在抗战爆发的时候就日渐衰弱，一个大家族，吃闲饭的很多，曾祖父去世了，这个大家族也就散了，而且，曾爷爷的葬礼还是奶奶卖掉她的金饰，出钱操办的。这让我见识到奶奶的勇气和善良，在关键的时刻挺身而出。回到奶奶的婚姻，爷爷和奶奶生了四个孩子，然后，爷爷就另娶了二房，二奶奶是个小家碧玉，很美丽温柔，也贤惠。但是，爷爷就从此再也没有回家。当时，我的奶奶只有三十来岁，开始了漫长的守活寡的日子，别人劝奶奶改嫁，若她当时改嫁的话，完全可以生活地舒服的。可是她说，我走了，我的四个孩子怎么办？于是她选择留下，直面艰难的生活。为什么爷爷会丢下奶奶而不顾呢？我们猜不到原因。奶奶刚结婚的时候，连作饭都不会。这些家务在娘家的时候她可不用干的。于是，她开始学，可是，据爸爸回忆，他小时候经常吃到没熟的鱼，有沙子的菜。这点我很清楚，奶奶有次买了条猪大肠回来，煮熟的时候我家的厨房都是臭味。于是，下次她再买，我连忙主动帮她洗干净。新中国成立后，奶奶在中国的娘家也开始家道中落，因为成分是地主。爷爷每个月只给奶奶十元，怎么养活四个正在成长的孩子，奶奶开始变卖她的嫁妆、家具、旗袍等，一件一件的。爸爸说，小时候，早上看见米缸没米了，很担心，可是中午回来，奶奶又会端出香喷喷的饭菜，真是幸福。可见，奶奶当时生活之不易。（补充，后来政策松点的时候，她在泰国的哥哥也会寄东西过来中国，接济她，但不是太多）但她是坚强的，从不求人，从不低头，她是乐观的人。这点也影响了我们。就这样，奶奶拉扯大了四个孩子，而且都让他们读完了初中。她很瘦，很爱喝浓茶，也喜欢喝点酒。而她的四个孩子都很壮。估计她把自己那份都给她的孩子吃了吧。她从来没叫过苦，没报过怨，也没掉过泪，就连爷爷去世的时候，她也没流泪。爷爷的葬礼上，二奶奶和她的孩子也来了，是奶奶操办了葬礼。后来，我问她，你恨爷爷和二奶奶吗？这时，奶奶的眼神飘到很远的地方，说：“恨？都那么久了，还有什么恨的？”原来，对于背叛，她选择了原谅。放过别人，也放过了自己。

我一直在想，奶奶这辈子最大的遗憾是什么？大概就是她的命里没有爱情吧？奶奶曾经跟我反复提过一件往事，在选夫婿的时候，曾经有个大家族的年轻人，他要选妻子，侯选人是奶奶还有另一个女人，选择的方式是到庙里抽签，让神选择。神没有选择奶奶。若干年后，这个年轻人早逝，他的遗孀，也就是当年被选中的女子，过得很凄苦，意外地遇到奶奶，跟奶奶诉说生活之艰辛。奶奶跟我讲的意思就是，这个女子大概不是什么旺夫命吧。这时，我突然想到了，奶奶平时并不象其他潮汕女人一样信神佛。

奶奶也是个倔强的女人，这也是她跟我妈没什么缘分之因。但联想到她的生活经历，就能够理解她的倔强了。她热爱自由，讨厌拘束。因为经历过大起大落，奶奶很看重金钱，她认为一个人没有钱是不行的。但是，奶奶给我们零用钱的时候很慷慨而有计划的。她老说她的钱是也留着办葬礼用的，因为她不想增加子孙们的负担。奶奶也很有同情心，经常接济周围生活比较困苦的人们，比如说我们家小区的清洁工，保安啊，就连在她生命最后几天里，我们家请了个看护，她也把别人送的水果等食物都要看护拿回家，还说看护家小孩多，不容易。奶奶也很坚强，经常鼓励我们要吃苦。奶奶很喜欢流行。她喜欢港台明星，最喜欢四大天王和苏有朋，还说黎明唱歌根本不行的，靠后台的吧。 奶奶很开明，这可能跟她接受过新式教育有关，她很支持女孩子读书，奶奶说，读书好，读高点，将来前程更好，才能适应这个社会。说实话，我不是奶奶带大的，奶奶并不大会带孙子，不象其他传统的潮汕家庭妇女，我在十二岁之前，对她了解不多。后来，住在一起了，才慢慢了解她。她不太会表达对我们的疼爱，也没有亲昵的行为，但我慢慢就感觉到她对我们的疼爱。她大部分时间是寂寞的，总是一个人静静地喝着茶，坐在大厅角落，沉思？回忆？发呆？或是缅怀？这是她几十年的独处方式，安静地象空气中的浮尘一样。奶奶的另一个爱好就是每天去逛一次市场，买点小零食，更重要的是观察市场里的人生百态，了解外面的世道，然后就回来跟我们讲。在最近一年里，她的腿脚不太利索了，就没有出去了，大部分的时间，她只能在她的房间里发呆，有时也看看门外，观察门外的世界。

奶奶在改革开放之后，曾经回过泰国一次， 去看望她年迈的哥哥，她很开心，回到出生的地方，与亲人重逢，可是，她也知道，她再也无法在那里长留了，那边的家族很大很大，但已经不再是她的家了，她的家在潮汕。

奶奶人生另一痛，大概就是她的一个女儿，我的二姑妈的去世，当时我还没出生。奶奶经历了白发人送黑发人之痛，我不知道她当时是怎样的，但从我懂事起我就记得，她从来不轻易提起这个姑妈，她短命的女儿，她应该很伤心吧。

一周后，奶奶交代完身后事，在睡梦中停止了呼吸，走完了她大起大落的一生，永远地离开了我们。

回到广州后，我的心很痛。脑海里常常想起奶奶的笑脸，夜里也梦到她，笑靥依然。

我常想，奶奶，在另一世界里，是否孤独依然？是否还是一人独酌？笑靥依然否？

   最近迷恋上一种东西——脘鱼肠。

小的时候，有一年春节前，外婆买了不少脘鱼回来过节，结果舍不得扔掉肥美的脘鱼肠，她将鱼肠洗干净，和花椰菜一起煮，我吃了，居然就忘不了那种味道了！可惜，外婆再也没弄过了，可能她嫌工序很麻烦吧。确实如此！我的妈妈是不喜欢做鱼肠给我吃的，因为鱼肠真的很难伺候。一般人，也不吃鱼肠的。在市场买的时候，就把鱼肠去掉了。而只有一些灵巧的主妇，（更是勤俭节约的女人），她们会耐心地清洗并做出美味的鱼肠煲。来广州之后，喜欢上清淡的粤菜，传统的粤菜就是把鱼肠做成鱼肠蒸蛋，这样很巧妙地除去了鱼肠的腥味，可是，也就把鱼肠独特的风味也去掉了。我对鱼肠的迷恋仅止于它的口感和味道。事实上，鱼肠和鱼肝一般连在一起，这些鱼肝油是很营养的，对眼睛很好，而且脂肪成分不高，比起猪肠来，真的健康多了。可是，当我在整鱼肠时，其他女人惊讶地看着我，问：“这些，，也是可以吃的吗？我怎么从来没见过？”

 既然妈妈嫌麻烦不做鱼肠，我只好自己研究起来。老爸说得好：求人不如求己！所以，我在暑假的时候，开始做鱼肠。首先到市场上，要买点鱼，不然档主不会轻易给一副好的脘鱼肠给你的，所以，还要跟档主套点交情才行。然后，还要忍受其他师奶奇怪的眼神，当你开口要副鱼肠的时候，一般旁边的师奶会看着我，好象在猜我买的动机，难道是很穷？吃不起鱼了？或是。。。也有好奇的人问我“你怎么做鱼肠啊？”我只好解释，我会如何如何处理，她们听完，很佩服地看着我。唉，看来吃鱼肠的人不多啊！连煲汤很厉害的师奶们也不想费力去做，而且现在很多人都怕鱼腥味，连鱼肉都嫌腥味重的人，怎么肯尝一下鱼肠呢？

 在有过一次失败的处理鱼肠经验后，我开始掌握要领了。好的鱼肠一般比较大，也就是说脘鱼至少要8斤以上，最好是现在市场卖的脆脘，这种鱼的鱼肠内污物不多，很干净。鱼肠的颜色要漂亮，鱼肠旁边的鱼脂肪要饱满，如果是鱼肠显绿色，就说明里面很脏，而且就算洗干净也会有股苦味。选完鱼肠，就要用剪刀，把鱼肠全部剪开，把里面的东西清理出来，（买到好的鱼肠，这道工序就省了），但是还是要用盐反复地捏洗鱼肠，除去鱼肠里的黏液。最后用清水炮半个小时就行了。我做鱼肠的方法是炒！我就喜欢那种味道。配料是：姜丝，葱段，青瓜丝（量可多点），番茄，黑木耳，用油锅把姜丝，葱和蒜蓉爆香，然后下其他配料，翻炒，下鱼肠（切段），可加点酱油，增点颜色，就可以上碟了。

 现在，由于我没有炉，所以我只好拿鱼肠跟大鱼头一起煲粥，也很香，虽然腥味重了点。

 上次档主送的鱼肠很好，是我买过最好的一副，很干净，而且肠壁很厚，吃起来很爽口！于是想到另一种吃法——生菜包鱼肠，因为鱼肠炒了之后会出不少鱼油，这样吃就比较腻，可以用生菜叶加点芥末包着吃，（很象韩国的生菜包饭，什么都可以拿来包），这样，鱼肠本身很脆，再加上清香的菜叶，味道一定不错！前提是黑木耳要加多点。想到这，真想马上做一做了，呵呵。这世道，能欣赏鱼肠的人也不多了。不过，我只是想把我对鱼肠的迷恋记录下来，会整鱼肠的大厨肯定会笑话我的作法幼稚的。这算是我的一点生活情趣吧，没办法，生活的压力太大了，总得整点让我觉得有点亮色和激情的东西吧？路，还是要走下去啊！

Steve Jobs
“Find What You Love.”

Commencement address at Stanford University
Palo Alto, California USA
June 12, 2005
 

Steve Jobs is the CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios.

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I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes,   to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

视频:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60cDHb-tvMA&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fhopesome%2Ecom%2Farchives%2F1024%2Ehtml

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

          Thousands of miles won’t block us meet each other since we were meant to meet.

     今天，导师的两位导师过来探望我们。北师大同时也是加州大学的教授，杨之岭和林冰教授。两位教授分别是73，72岁，但神采奕奕，看起来不到60岁。让我惊讶万分的是，杨老师的高贵、优雅，落落大方，体现了她良好的素质和修养。我难得在国内见到如此graceful lady. 林教授更有一段故事。他17年前中风，偏瘫，可是坚持做复健和锻炼，在中风后能跑了30多个国家，更在美国多间大学教书，其毅力让人钦佩。

         两位老人坚持要看看他们的学生——我的导师的学生，并给了我们很多教诲。首先是杨老师，解放前上海教会中学高中毕业，擅长舞蹈，练过ballet，弹得一手好钢琴。美国获博士学位，虽然退休，但非常热爱学生，经常帮助学生。她今天说了三点：1 做学问首先要先学会做人。她觉得如果一个人的人品好，他肯定会成功。2 外语不要丢，要学深下去，达到用外语思考的境界。她热情地介绍了外语学习的方法，外语教学的方法。73岁高龄的她每天坚持阅读英文资料，并做笔记，没有一天间断。这真让我汗颜啊。。两位老师说，学外语的最佳方式就是模仿imitation,that is the way it is. language  is a mere habit.it demands constant practice  .3.认定自己想做的事，就不要放弃，有毅力去做完。That is really an inspiration to me! They are both young at heart! I was wondering how they can keep their mind young. I asked Ms yang a question: how to be a graceful lady? She laughed and kissed me .”you are a beauty”said she. Actually ,I noticed them and got my answer. She keeps reading and thinking. In spite of  her age ,she tried hard to remember things. During the dinner, Ms Yang asked us ( more  than 12 students) to write the names and she distinguished , matching  the  names and our looks one by one. she did it,which impressed me so much. Excellent people make themselves in excellent ways.

        吃饭的时候，我说了句：一日为师，终身为父。她突然说：很不错，翻译成英文吧，试一下。我吓住了，让我在这么多人面前，尤其是两位师祖面前献丑？但她期待地看着我，说:English in action with interesting expression. 我乱说了一句，她想了想，给我了鼓励。说出她的：a teacher for one day is a parent for a lifetime.接下来又问我：有缘千里来相会怎么翻译？ 我的答案是：Destiny makes us meet from every corner of the world. 她的答案：Thousands of miles won’t block us meet each other since we were meant to meet. 后来，敬酒的时候我说：cheers for the health,for the future.她说：for the future,and for the beauty. 因为看到你们，我就看到了自己的年轻的时候。”忘了说，杨老师25岁的时候得到毛主席的接见，照片都做成了纪念邮票。两位老师完全没有架子，对谁都那么亲切，并不厌其烦地跟我们拍照，回答我们的问题。

   他们都很注重我们的课外技能，鼓励我们要发展，出国。他们问我们：what can u do ? (extracurricular activities).为什么他们这么重视呢？因为：it is a kind of talent and you have sth to offer when u are in any place.两位老师的人格魅力深深地感动了我。 I am at the loss now, not knowing what my future would be.their words inspired me ,motivating me to seek the right way for myself.

   By the way,they taught us some slangs : you have to bite the bullet.  Please give me the rain cheque.  Don’t pass the buck.

         Hang in there(= never give up),As a appropriate  ending of this essay, for you as well as for myself. Just keep swimming ,keep heading forward even we are 70 years old.

（人类选择了孤独，因为他不知道如何与他的周围世界互动。）

很久以前就想为这部日剧写点什么，毕竟在那年夏天，我为之疯狂过。前阵子，突然看到网上有《恶作剧之吻》又名《一吻定情》，不禁下载来看，才12集，90年代的日剧都是这样，不长，但意味深远。看着看着，心底某些激情和回忆又重现。。。。。

这部片子是改编自漫画《淘气小亲亲》的，作者多田薰，电视剧只播到男主角终于意识到喜欢上女主角了，并追她回来。而漫画则画到他们两个结婚，直到琴子怀孕。而精彩的故事则该延伸下去，因为能把单调的婚姻生活写得如此活泼的多田薰老师突然病逝了，给这个故事留下了无限的遗憾与想象空间。

 柏原崇和佐藤兰子主演的《一吻定情》，喜欢flower boy,柏原崇，如箭一般飞扬的眉宇，沉静的让人迷惑的双瞳，饱满而微微上扬的嘴唇，全身散发出来的淡淡的忧伤气质，无一不让我深深陷入对这个象是漫画中走出来的男孩的迷恋中。一个成天把爱挂在嘴边，一个却从来不提爱，两人的反差形成了有趣的一幕幕。〈一吻定情〉中洋溢着生活的热情和对未来充满信心的信念.我喜欢这部电视剧，因为它有着典型的日剧风格，积极向上。更重要的是，我也被琴子的爱情信念感动了。她貌不出众，智商不及入江这个天才少年的1%，但她却有着最大的优点：从不轻易放弃。自从第一眼在学校不小心和入江接吻后，琴子喜欢上了入江，更把爱入江当成一种梦想来完成，尽管入江是个感情极其冷漠的人，甚至有点自闭。没人会把这两个人联系在一起。可琴子无论吃多少次闭门羹，都没有放弃，从头来过。她热情，善良，虽然笨却执着。她说，入江如果当医生，她就当护士；入江当机长，她就当空姐。。。。。。这样全心全意地爱一个人，把爱他，当成自己毕生的梦想，这种执着真的让我汗颜。这样的琴子，真的让我很敬佩。就这样，无论受多少次伤，她对入江不离不弃，当我都为她觉得可怜的时候，入江这块冰山开始悄悄地点点融化。。。他开始对事情、包括亲人有了情绪反应，他开始懂得去在乎他的弟弟，他开始会为自己未来思考，而不再是以前那种无所谓的冷然的态度。而这一切他并没察觉。后来，他在琴子的影响下，终于知道自己要选择读医，理所当然，把入江的梦想当自己的梦想的琴子去了读护士，两人的轨道就此分开。再次相见是两年后，从外地回来实习的琴子发现，入江终于会笑了，可入江还是对琴子很冷淡，最后，他才发现自己的心已经一点点被琴子攻占了，于是他第一次会去追赶他心爱的女人。

柏原崇演出了自闭的入江，却没有演出被琴子渐渐融化的入江，起码我没看到有那么一点有温度的眼神，而这，我认为，是应该有的。佐藤兰子的外型很适合琴子的角色，演技不错，可是却过度了，她夸张的高嗓音让我觉得受不了。值得一提的还有一个演金之助的演员，虽不知道他的名字，却觉得他演得很专业，因为我看过漫画，他真的非常敬业，角色揣摩得很好。向他致敬！

第一次看的时候，觉得琴子很傻，世界上好男人多得是，为什么非得为这个男人一次又一次地把自己搞得伤痕累累？虽然他很帅，可是要爱上一座冰山，就非得要用自己的体温去融化他，同时也冻坏了自己。第7次看的时候，开始敬佩起琴子来，把爱一个人当成自己的梦想，这样的人是崇高的，不管结果如何，她的爱本身就是种感动。我想，如果入江没有琴子，琴子没有入江的世界将是残缺的。漫画里有个他们去度蜜月的片段，入江英俊的外表让一个女人想勾引他，而且她也不明白为什么入江的老婆会是琴子这样平凡的女子，入江说：她比你好很多很多倍！他那时眼神坚定而深情。我突然明白，为什么琴子会这么爱入江了，因为没有了琴子的入江，他就真是座冰山了。用 Chinese saying:：一物降一物;English saying :they are matched for each other.

相对于快餐时代的爱情现实、无奈，他们的爱情则是俗世中的一股清流，也给疲累的我以信心，如果真的有那么一天，我也要象琴子一样去爱入江，把爱一个人当成自己的梦想，用这样决绝的态度去爱。可是，一直以来我以为我应该是象琴子那样的人物，10年后再看这部片，我却觉得原来自己身上有入江的影子。不管怎样，曾经感动过。